Dark was the night, cold was the ground

Cordyceps unilateralis

2008-06-13T02:14:24Z

If anyone was was wondering just how awesome my boyfriend is, you should get some idea from the fact that he told me about this:

Here's more info, in text and picture form: Brainwashed by a parasite

How in God's name did I not know about this before?! I guess that's what the boy is for. I have learned so many cool things from him.

astrokaiju @ 2008-06-05T22:11:00

2008-06-06T02:14:47Z

My parents just returned from a long trip to China. They brought back a pipa as a gift for Andrew.

They handed the totally unfamiliar, traditional Chinese instrument to him, and within seconds he was playing a surf riff on it.

That's my brother in a nutshell.

astrokaiju @ 2008-06-04T09:13:00

2008-06-04T13:23:22Z

1. Lately I have had a terribly strong urge to pack a suitcase and just go visit all my friends who are currently spread out across the country. I am starting to miss people so much that it actually hurts me. Right here (indicates heart). Something about listening to Suicide on a dark, cloudy day makes that worse, somehow, like that's music to pack all your stuff as fast as possible to.

2. I have also had an urge to delete this journal. No, seriously. Of course, I would probably start a new one with a new name and, naturally, add all my friends back. And basically make it the same in every way...I don't have any particular reason for wanting to delete. I can't explain it; sometimes I just get an urge to clean up the old junk I have lying around.

Guess what? World's gonna end soon!

2008-05-15T23:53:27Z

So, the Large Hadron Collider is going into operation soon. In fact, they were supposed to have that thing working today; their original calculated start date was May 15th. Now, if they stick to their current schedule, the LHC will be activated this June and the first collisions will be happening in August.

Now, if you aren't a dork like me and you have no idea what the Large Hadron Collider is...essentially, it's a project meant to recreate the conditions of the Big Bang so that scientists can observe them first hand. As you can imagine, this has serious implications on many different levels, philosophically, scientifically, and so forth. Furthermore, no one really knows for sure what would happen if we recreated the Big Bang right now. It's entirely possible that...well, the universe as we know it would come to an end. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

So, the apocalypse could be on the way. Hey, that's an exciting prospect! Not to mention, we now have three months to plan for the possible end of the universe. So, squeeze in those good times and tie up those loose ends while you can! I only regret that I will be keeping my job during that time just in case I still exist by then and therefore need money.

astrokaiju @ 2008-05-10T23:51:00

2008-05-11T04:04:15Z

I was just digging through a box of old junk and found some primitive but interesting paintings that I started when I was probably 14 or 15 and never finished. They are painted on cardboard (a testament to a fascination I had as a teenager with using the rudest materials possible as supports).

What do you think...should I finish them, do them over from the beginning, or forget about the whole thing and focus on the other projects I'm supposed to be doing right now?

astrokaiju @ 2008-04-22T00:04:00

2008-04-22T04:06:19Z

My brother Andrew
Smoking in the parking lot of Target
Taken on my camera phone

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

2008-04-19T23:42:41Z

Fox housing British 'Spaced': U.K. comedy being remade for U.S.

This isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't happening...

Simon Pegg has plenty to say on the matter himself...

astrokaiju @ 2008-04-17T15:13:00

2008-04-17T19:18:48Z

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts in Milford today to get an iced coffee. The guy behind the counter brought it, then he asked me where he could get white sage and dragon's blood. He didn't even ask me if I knew, he just seemed to know that I would certainly know. I directed him to the closest place I could think of, in Nashua.

People ask me questions like this all the time. I don't know why: is it my Celtic cross necklace? Is it the black dresses I wear? Or is it just an obvious aura of awesome magical powers?

Earlier today, I told Andrew about how whenever I drive I can't seem to fight the feeling that the car has a mind of its own and will just go veering out of the lane and smash into opposing traffic, and there won't be anything I can do to stop it. He said, "Bethy, you don't belong to this time."

astrokaiju @ 2008-04-15T22:31:00

2008-04-16T02:58:00Z

Hey, I found out why I've been feeling like garbage...

It's all thanks to my friend and yours, streptococcus. Yes, I have a strep infection. And it's not strep throat either, but something WAY more interesting and fun. I'll spare you all the disgusting, oozing details, but...long story short, it seems to have started with a stubbed toe, and some bacteria who said, "Hey, while we're here making pus, let's just go crazy!". Or something like that. I'm actually not totally clear on what the doctor said anyway because my head was spinning while she was talking. I was basically just on autopilot until I got home from the pharmacy and fell asleep. I didn't even really know what I had until I woke up later and Andrew told me the drugs I was prescribed are used to treat strep infections. So I looked it up, read the description of the illness I apparently have, and started freaking out so I put my computer away and watched The Simpsons instead. And I thought I just had a cold...

I feel like the walking dead, but I have to go to work anyway. I will probably fall asleep in the breakroom and get yelled at.

The idea of the century!

2008-04-07T15:24:35Z

A few people have asked me if I have to wear the red and khaki to work, or if it's just for people on the sales floor. When I tell them, yes I do, everyone has to wear it, they express some surprise that I would even take a job like that. I guess they think it doesn't jive with my usual fiercely non-conformist ways.

They don't know that, in reality, I'm a big fan of uniforms. I like uniforms a lot, uniforms of all kinds.* As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing hotter than a woman (or a man, or whatever) in any kind of uniform. In fact, talking about this has given me the idea of the century:

The Ladies of Target pin-up calendar! It's worked for the armed forces, it's worked for the medical profession...now it could work for us! We could feature the hottest Target employees in red bras and khaki thongs!

I guess the dudes could get in on the action too. Why not? They could wear khaki thongs too, and red bowties! Or better yet, picture this: tight khaki pants, red undershirt, strategically-placed pricing gun! I might slap a cowboy hat on there too, but we're not allowed to wear hats in the store.

I think it's a brilliant idea. I think I'll call corporate tomorrow and tell them all about it.

*Know what else I like a lot? Getting a paycheck.

astrokaiju @ 2008-04-02T23:16:00

2008-04-03T03:18:25Z

How do I know it's spring at last?

Wolf spiders and ladybugs walking around my house.

I'm pleased. I love my arthropod friends.

astrokaiju @ 2008-04-01T14:29:00

2008-04-01T18:35:24Z

Last night I had a dream that Koji Suzuki and H.R. Giger started a rock band and were touring the world this summer. Now that I'm awake I feel genuinely disappointed that I can't go see that show.

Later in the dream, the government was unveiling a giant human being they had produced in laboratory and chose some MTV awards show as their platform. The federal agents who brought in the giant ran to the edge of the stage and gave hi-fives to the crowd.

This is not an April Fool's joke. This is really the kind of thing I dream about.

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-26T13:26:00

2008-03-26T18:34:34Z

It seems the busier I am, the more I post on Livejournal. You might think it should be the other way around, but I guess it makes sense to me: when I'm not as busy, I don't use my free time to make Livejournal posts. I read a book, walk in the woods, hang out with friends, stuff like that. I guess posting here is one way of keeping my head on straight when it's in danger of spinning wildly out of control.

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-25T17:23:00

2008-03-25T22:30:18Z

Not only am I the number one result in a Google search for "Bethy Williams" (in fact, the first five and the remaining majority of the results relate to me), but I am also the number five or six result in a search for just "Bethy".

Ahhh...things in the universe are finally just the way they should be.

P.S. It has been said that, when John Lennon finished the lyrics to "I Am the Walrus", he remarked, "There...let the fuckers work that one out."

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T17:25:50Z

Let me be one of the last to wish you all a happy Easter.

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-22T14:37:00

2008-03-22T19:46:53Z

So far, I am really happy that I got a deviantART account. I've gotten some nice feedback already, and I've started to really enjoy browsing the other galleries. Sure, there's lots of baloney on deviantART but there's also some really wonderful art. I think that Cenin might be one of my new favorite artists.

I also recently discovered another new favorite artist on MySpace (of all places):

http://www.myspace.com/the_gothic_prairie

If you can't look at MySpace because it makes your computer commit suicide, you can see some of her work on etsy:

Gothic Prairie and Whytewood Dolls

the whirlwind is in the thorn tree

2008-03-22T16:06:42Z

Last night, for Good Friday, Andrew, Chris and I went to church. By which I mean, we went to a Mexican restaurant. That might sound like a joke but it's really not.

As we drove into town there was an incredibly huge red-orange full moon on the horizon. Everyone we saw out the car windows as we passed by seemed to be having a great time, including two kids in a neighboring car who were bopping around to unheard music and a guy who was dancing by himself on his porch.

The restaurant was pleasantly crowded and buzzing with happy activity. Something strange was going on in the bar section: people were bobbing for apples. Just as strange: at one point "The Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash played from the bar despite a music selection that was otherwise nothing but Top 40 pop and hip hop. I was elated when this happened.

We ate huge amounts of food and took some home too. It was a transcendent evening. When we got back to my house I made microwave vegan brownies covered with chocolate chips, rainbow sprinkles and cinnamon non-pareils.

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-19T00:41:00

2008-03-19T05:42:57Z

I'm glad that Sarge Ironhorse signed the guestbook on my site.

Other random things that always cheer me up: "Pop Muzik" by M, and any movie with Kurt Russell or Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. And, the rare occasions on which someone else finds my weird flights of fancy as amusing as I do. This evening, it occurred to me out of nowhere how funny it would be if Kraftwerk were the celebrity guest judges on American Idol. I told Andrew and, instead of calling me a moron, he laughed and laughed. It was good times.

Just look at them and tell me it wouldn't be funny:

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-17T15:07:00

2008-03-17T20:11:48Z

My friend Brian has some interesting decor in his apartment. When I went to visit him the other day, I saw a familiar friend hanging out on his cute retro witch lamp:

It's a womberscootch that the marvelous hoarymarmot custom made for him. Here's a closer look:

On being an artist

2008-03-13T17:06:05Z

There's something I've been meaning to talk about, because I have a lot of friends who are artists and this subject comes up a lot: you think your art sucks, other people think your art sucks, you can't seem to get anywhere with it or make any money and you feel like you're wasting your time and making a fool of yourself. I think everyone who makes art loses confidence at one time or another (with the possible exception of Salvador Dali). My thoughts on this are hard to express, but I would like to try anyway:

One thing that I think has defined me as an artist and a person is that I'm obnoxiously satisfied with everything I do and confident in my own abilities almost to the point of total foolishness. As a child and adolescent, I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was an artistic genius and destined for greatness. Now, as an adult, my cockiness has mellowed just a little, but my basic attitude is the same: I think every piece of art I make is a jewel, and I genuinely don't care if someone else isn't as impressed.

However, believe it or not, there have been moments in my life when I did have a crisis of faith. I would be at a gallery, or looking at another artist's website, and I would think of how many millions of artists there must be on this planet and wonder, does the world really needed another one? And even if it did, why should that artist be me? How can I compete with all the incredible art out there? Why do I even bother?

But there's something I realized a long time ago: it doesn't matter what anyone else does, it doesn't matter what anyone else says, it doesn't matter how "good" my art is or whether or not I'm "successful" or how I measure up to other artists or whether or not anyone even likes my art. None of that stuff matters at all. The fact remains that I was born with an urge to create, and I don't believe it will ever go away. Nothing will change that, not what other people think of me, not my ability to "succeed" as an artist, nor anything else. So, even if, for the sake of argument I said I was the worst artist in the world and no one liked my art at all and other people considered me a pathetic no-talent failure, I would still have only two choices: I could deny who I really am and live in constant fear and shame, or I could make my art and be the person I was born to be.

Something that always drives this point home for me is the scene in Ed Wood where Ed attends the premiere of Plan 9 From Outer Space. That feeling that he had as the movie rolled for the first time, that's what it's all about. It doesn't matter that Ed Wood never saw mainstream success. It doesn't matter that he's considered the "Worst Director of All Time". What matters is that he fulfilled his vision, that he made the film he was born to make.

That's the way I feel about my art. Besides, if one person ever feels the same way about my art that I feel about Plan 9 From Outer Space, I'll consider it a job well done.

P.S. All of this stuff is really irrelevant anyway when you consider how great I actually am.

astrokaiju @ 2008-03-03T00:42:00

2008-03-03T06:47:10Z

If all my fondest dreams came true, I would live in a house which was just like Vincent Price's house in one of my favorite Night Gallery episodes, "Return of the Sorceror". If nothing else, I would want his incredible office/study with William Blake's Ancient of Days covering the wall:

I don't know why I was thinking about this just now. Maybe it's because I was thinking about how all I have for an "office" is a laptop, a messenger bag, and all the stuff I cram into the messenger bag.

If you're Welsh and you know it, clap your hands...

2008-03-01T05:11:46Z

Today is Saint David's Day!

You Irish dorks are always rubbing Saint Patrick's Day in everyone else's faces...now it's our turn!

Ring out the bells for Dewi!

CYMRU AM BYTH!

Seven things about me

2008-02-29T00:26:43Z

1. I always keep a notebook and pen next to my bed. Many of my ideas, maybe even most of my ideas, come to me just as I am falling asleep or waking up, and I want to be able to write them down right away.

2. Besides money, ID, and the other usual stuff, I also keep the following items in my wallet at all times: a card explaining how to do a kundalini yoga posture, an American Red Cross blood donor card, a Wilton Public Library card, a ticket stub from the 2006 remake of The Omen, a "Hail, Holy Queen!"/Virgin Mary card from St. Joseph's Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts, and a sigil I made so long ago I don't remotely remember what it was for. Oh yeah, and my business cards.

3. I always instinctively smile at babies, little kids, animals, or anyone who looks directly at me.

4. I prefer to be active at night but I also love early mornings. I greatly dislike afternoons. In fact, if I had a choice, I would wake up at dusk and go to sleep in the late morning. But I don't really have that choice.

5. I don't wear pants (except when work requires) and I never, ever wear tights or pantyhose. I always wear a skirt or a dress, with black stockings held up by a garter belt.

6. Except for the short and very ill-fated time I spent in Boston as a college student, I have never lived in a city or even a suburb.

7. My favorite thing to do is to laugh, and my other favorite thing is to make other people laugh.

astrokaiju @ 2008-02-27T02:27:00

2008-02-27T08:30:43Z

You know what I realized this evening?

It's been a really, really long time since I've seen one of those infernal Bush's Baked Beans commercials in which an innocent dog is completely robbed of his dignity. I don't want to jinx it, but...I think they might be gone forever.

So long, Duke. May you never roll that beautiful bean footage again.

astrokaiju @ 2008-02-25T15:14:00

2008-02-25T21:16:00Z

Last night I had a dream that I worked for an advertising firm. I was responsible for developing a slogan for the Chocolate Council and came up with this:

CHOCOLATE:

It melts in your mouth and won't abandon you over the summer.

Also in the dream, I went to the advertising firm's cafeteria, which had for some mysterious reason taken pains to hide the fact that they once had a salad bar. For instance, some of the bins that had once held salad fixings were filled with ceramic beads and candy.

When I woke up I looked at my face in the mirror and it looked better than I had remembered it looking.